Organized Chaos.
"love without restrictions- trust without fear."
Rainy Day Chronicles
It’s storming; I’m writing. Initially, I was in my journal, but I figured “why not make this a blog?” It was recently brought to my attention that I don’t make my relationship status clear on social media, that if I have a boyfriend, I should be proud of it and post pictures and statuses that make it clear that he’s mine and I’m his. Instead, I post things that allude to it with little clarity. My question to that is why do I owe a stranger clarity? Are you going to pray for us? Are you going to encourage us in the ways of the Lord? Are you going to go bowling with us? Or are you just entitled?
In the event I find myself committed to a man, my priority will be to share it with my family and friends. Mainly because those are the people who will do the things previously stated. I put a lot of my personal life online, but it’s always in MY timing. I don’t like to date. If marriage isn’t the end-game, I have ZERO desire to become intimate, so dating weighs heavily on my heart. I was in the adoption process for almost 6 months before I posted it online and the small percentage of people who knew prior to then is the same small percentage who know my current relationship status. With that being said, if you are not a friend, i.e
Someone I continue to confide in and confides in me. Someone I trust with the burdens of my heart. Someone who understands the woman God has and is molding me to be. Someone who has been consistent in my life as well as my family’s. Someone who can curl up on my couch, dive into scripture, and cry with me as we figure out how to serve God in spite of what Satan has cookin around us…
or family, you won’t know until I decide to tell you.
I personally think that’s okay. I’m not “hiding” the real me from the world. I’m pretty open about my brokenness and God’s healing power. In some instances, I’ve simply decided to share what I’d like, with who I trust, in the timing that I see fit. I’d love to hear what y’all think!
This made me reevaluate my use of social media. It made me look at all of my profiles to see WHY I have them and WHY they take up the time they do. I read some scripture, prayed, and listened to a couple of sermons before I started this blog, so I’m hopeful that it glorifies God and doesn’t stroke Shakiyla’s ego. I also scrolled through my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter accounts. This is what I found:
Facebook: I use Facebook as an avenue to uplift my students. I post pictures of myself and my family with statuses that tell a bunch of random people what they mean to me. I don’t generally rant about anything other than my feelings and what God does in my heart throughout the week. Working at a high school that is often under the “radar” has made it easy for me to post a ridiculous amount of statuses that prove preconceived Washington-Marion assumptions wrong. Sometimes I post selfies, too. I tag my Carla in those.
Twitter: I talk about my students, my friends, and my diet. I ramble. If something “dawns” on me, I tweet it. If God shows me something, I tweet it. If I get a sudden urge to go jogging, I tweet it. If Lydia sends me a picture of Colby Jr., I tweet it. It’s nothing really major. Just sort of a time killer.
Instagram: This one was the most interesting. Mainly because people seldom read Instagram captions. They seem to just scroll and double-click as they see fit. So my captions on Instagram are sometimes RIDICULOUSLY long. I like to see who reads them. Those people generally leave comments. Hey y’all! I like y’all! Here I also found the most allusions to a relationship, or pictures of men (Steph) saying really sweet things. I think this is where the situation in the beginning of my blog came from. I also post selfies with captions that explain everything wrong with me but how I don’t love myself any less because of those things, pictures with some of my students after they’ve made me cry, pictures of my friends with some sort of LONG drawn out story explaining why I love them, and art. I love posting art on my Instagram. I tag the artist, and the caption generally says something that relates to what the art meant to me and a thank you to them for creating it.
Each social media outlet seems to do different things. As I was reading and listening today, I realized that if I am honestly living for God, my sole purpose should be to encourage, educate, and serve. That sounds really cheesy, but I think it’s true. I’m not here to condemn. I’m not here to save. I’ve been placed on this earth to show Christ to a broken world by way of service and love. I don’t think I do that often enough on social media. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s more of a leisurely activity, but that shouldn’t separate it from my purpose. I just want to get to a place where everything I say and do is either encouraging, Truth saturated, or promotes peace. Working in the field that I am, I’ve learned that negativity is contagious, and it’s hard to bear witness to the light (John 1:8) while sulking in darkness.
“So whether it is a blog post or whatever it might be, I want to sustain with a brief word the one who is weary. I want to maximize what I can impart to them with a minimum of commitment on their part. So I don’t want to be the online watch dog of the Christian Church and the corrector of everything that is wrong. I want to be an encourager. I think the Lord is….”
-Ray Ortlund
Every day this year, before my students started their journal writing, I told them, “Your words have power, tap into it. Don’t just meet the quota, change my expectations” I know I have the power of Christ in me to encourage, heal, and mend. I don’t want to get to a place where I’m just wasting words. (Prop)
Y’all please please please don’t hesitate to give me feedback. I don’t write just to get my voice heard; I do it because it promotes growth and enables me to see things from a different perspective. I won’t lie and say “I promise not to take anything you say personally” but that comes with the territory. My prayers are that you see what God has put on my heart and we can come together and begin to serve Him better. That entails dying to the flesh, and I am ready to do so.
Shakiyla
art by, Debra Cartwright
The Adoption: Growth
I was skeptical about writing another blog. I’m not sure if it was because I felt like I let myself down, or was just frustrated with my circumstances. Either way, I went for it.
For the past 6 months, I’ve been in what I now call a gruesome adoption process. My life changed so much during the process that it seemed to have slowed everything down. I made the mistake of adding a young man to my adoption paperwork. I guess I thought he would be in my life for more than the time he was. I was eager. I was excited. I was silly. By adding him to the process, I also had to add his children, and that made it an even more of an open book than I was ready for. Background checks, interviews, and questionnaires looked a lot different. Long story short, our relationship was short-lived, unlike the consequences of my actions. He’s no longer in my life, but I’m having to “re-vamp” a lot of what was already set in stone. I had so much anger with myself that I just stopped the process. I stopped responding to e-mails. I stopped answering calls. I stopped listening to God when I KNEW what He’d promised me. I know that adoption was a calling. Nothing else in the world could convince me to do what everyone around me sees as a “burden.” I found peace in the fact that I wasn’t trying to fill an empty void, I was trying to walk in obedience.
It hurts to know that I let a person into such an intimate place of my life and had it stripped away, but I find joy in the fact that I learned so much about myself and the way I love men. I’m not sure if I’ll be dating again, nor do I know if it’s in God’s will for me to be married. One thing I do know is what I deserve as a woman and daughter of a King. I didn’t have confidence in that before. I know this doesn’t have much to do with the blog, but it matters to me, so I’m sharing. LOL. I love with a kind of passion I didn’t know existed until it was taken advantage of. I’ve told y’all the story of Charles (my dad) and he makes it easy to just not want to risk being hurt. After years of fighting unforgiveness, I don’t think God gifts us with those kinds of things for us to let the world determine what we do with them. In my case, the ability to love so freely is a gift that I didn’t know I had. I’m thankful; cautious, but thankful.
I recently contacted my social worker. As soon as my living conditions become concrete, and as long as God continues to provide, I will be BACK on track to adopting a sweet child of my own. I’m not sure of the timing, and a friend reminded me of when God promised Abraham and Sarah a child of their own. Their timing was NOT God’s and I think I had the same problem.
I thank all of you who have continued to pray for me. I would hang my head in shame some days when people asked me what the status of the process was. Now I realize that I NEEDED this year of teaching to show me what it means to be a mother to a neglected child. I have students who live on their own, have lost both parents, have lost one parent, or are just lost, and my year at Washington-Marion has done a phenomenal job of teaching me how to love and cater to them. I’m excited about my life journey. I’m thankful for the people who never stopped pushing into my heart, no matter how big of a wall I built up. I’m thankful for the fact that God’s protection was unwavering, even in the darkest of times.
All of this to say:
Yes, I’m still adopting.
No, I don’t know when,
and PLEASE keep me in your prayers.
With love,
Shakiyla.
The watercolor in my blog was made by Debra Cartwright. Click on her name and visit her website for some AMAZING original pieces.
The Adoption: Homestudy #1
That’s a picture of my certificate of completed preparation courses 🙂
I’ll try to keep this blog as short and to the point as possible. Firstly, it has been one heck of a journey getting my apartment ready for this child. Emotionally, spiritually, and physically I have had my strength tested. Before I say anything else though, I feel the need to make something clear.
I’m not adopting this child to fill an empty void in my life. I feel as though some people are worried that I’m lonely because I’m single, and don’t have children of my own. Contrary to popular belief, I have lots of children in my life that feel like mine, and I am thankful for the undivided devotion I have to God in my singleness. I’m going to be working as a 12th grade English teacher and am still devoted to my local ministries. All of that to say, I’m not bored. I am confident that this was a calling from God to follow a specific commandment to seek the fatherless and love them with the love of Christ.
Now, I HAD MY FIRST HOME STUDY TODAY! I was terribly nervous last night you guys. Like, sick to my stomach, couldn’t get to sleep til 3am, throwing up on in the night- kind of nervous. I think it’s because I haven’t been submitting my anxiety about this whole thing to God like I promised Him I would. Silly girl. Well, my social worker came over and made herself comfy. We talked for a while about each other just so we could become more at ease. I’m sure she could see that I was still a bit on edge. She checked the apartment and made sure it was “child” friendly. I need to get a few things, but for the most part she was thoroughly impressed. I’m still not sure if I’ll be getting the young boy I’ve been praying for, but he’s definitely still in the system. After she measured his room and checked water temperatures I felt a weight removed from my heart. I think that in that moment I realized something sweet; if this is what God would have for me, there is nothing on this earth that can stop His will from being done. After that, it was smooth sailing. I’ve turned in all of my paperwork, I’m finishing my photo album, and I have to wait 3 weeks before we meet again. In that time, she’ll be reading over my biographical information and joining with other workers in an attempt to determine what child (if not the one I’m praying for) will be the BEST fit for Ms. Solomon. Right now, my age range is 4-8. I know that’s a huge gap, but I feel a sense of peace with that as well. In short, that was the visit. She said the first one is generally the shortest, and I assume it’s because she hasn’t read through my paperwork yet. The next one will probably be the longest, but I don’t feel nearly as anxious as I thought I would. There is one more after that, then I will be qualified to foster and/or adopt a sweet child.
I want to sincerely thank all of you who called or texted me some form of encouragement this morning. It meant the world. It’s so special to know that I have a body of family and friends that are experiencing this process alongside me. I will continue to thank God for your selfless heart and constant prayers, and I have no doubt that He will be glorified in my life as well as the life of whatever sweet child He blesses me with.
P.S.
I have new furniture in my apartment and it is by far the most precious thing in my life. I need help decorating the child’s room, and I am taking volunteers if anyone would like to join me in this portion of the process. I haven’t started work yet, so financially I’m still stuck in this limbo of a time frame. No worries though, I am making due with what I’ve got!
I love you guys
The Adoption: Certification Week 2
It seems like it has been FOREVER since I’ve updated you guys, but I have been extremely busy. Firstly, I graduated last weekend. I’m still a bit in awe about the fact that I’m no longer an undergrad, and I am finally a 12th grade teacher. I got the job at a local high school, and I get giddy just thinking about it.
None of that has anything to do with the adoption, but it plays a major role in who I am and who I plan on being as a mother. Driven. Dedicated. Goal oriented. Sticky. Those are just a few.
Anyhow, today was my second week of training, and I was bombarded with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. I don’t realize how few people I talk to about the adoption until things happen like this. I immediately texted Lydia and asked her to pray for me. She asked why, and I told her how I was feeling. She asked why again and I confessed that it was because I was now the ONLY single-parent candidate and the youngest of a group of over 15. She reminded me that the only thing that makes me fit to be a parent is my devotion to God and His will. It humbled me and encouraged me all at once. My ability to be a mother is irrelevant if I’m not trusting my Father with all that entails. I am by no means saying that anyone is a bad parent, only that this is what I believe to be true, and I needed that reminder. Please remember I am madly in love with God and all that He is and Jesus for all that He’s done. This blog may not be for everyone for that very reason, and I’m prepared to face that. So I went into the bathroom, leaned on the wall, and talked to my daddy. It was the sweetest moment of the day. I like bathroom talk.
Well, the class went on and everyone was really engaged. We did an exercise that was designed to put us in the shoes of the children that we’d be fostering to adopt, and it was a rude awakening for a lot of us. I’m not naive in thinking that the moment a child steps foot into my home they’ll run into my arms and call me mommy, but I forget that these children, in particular have been passed from home to home for years, so their guards are up. I’ve never really had to work hard to show someone that I love them, but I imagine I will have to. I need prayer in this. Prayer that when he/she doesn’t want my hugs or comfort I remember that they may not be denying me, they may be denying the rejection they’ve felt so many times before. Please pray for me, guys.
That was the bulk of training. I mean, other things happened, but nothing I imagine you guys care about. If you do, contact me because I LOVE talking about it!
In other news, my roommate is moving out. I’m not sure what my living condition will be, but God has been showing me some things and they are giving me a sweet sense of peace. I had someone give me furniture just as I started freaking out about not having any for my home study. A home study is exactly what it sounds like. My social worker will come to my home and make sure it is fit for a child. How awful would it have been if she came next week like she says she will, and I didn’t have any furniture or a room for my prospect munchkin? Just a little off, right? Well, there was provision, and again I was humbled. I AM BEING HUMBLED A LOT. I didn’t realize how much I thought I had to do on my own until God made that impossible. If y’all have any furniture or kids’ room stuff you’d like to donate to me, please don’t hesitate. More than that though, keep praying. You have no idea what it means to me to know that you are interceding for me. The encouragement is something I never imagined would give me the peace it does. Again, I’m a prideful lil somethin. People haven’t just been saying congrats. They’ve been making suggestions and reminding me that I can’t do this alone.
I know this blog wasn’t AS detailed as the others, but I’m sure I’ll have weeks like this. I was serious about home-gear. I love a good garage sale so I’m up for some early Saturday mornings. Thanks again for all that you guys have done, and thanks for reading this wordy little blog of mine.
The Adoption: Welcome
Firstly, I really just want to thank everyone for the ABUNDANCE of support and prayer thus far. It’s only been a few days and I am still overwhelmed with thankfulness. My family and friends have for the most part been extraordinarily supportive and with the hand full of responses that somewhat hurt, God has provided peace as the days go by.
I’ve decided to just keep you all informed on my blog. It seems a bit easier. Also, they’re really informal and can often be wordy. This is primarily because I ramble, so if you’re just like “No Shakiyla, Stop” we’ve probably never held a conversation. This is Just a warning.
Today was a big day. I had my last observation in Student Teaching prior graduation, and it was a breeze. I very seldom get nervous, but I guess that with all of the other things on my mind, I began to crumble under pressure. Even still, my Supervisor was moved at the way my students respond and interact with me after only a few months and that was super encouraging.
Today was also officially the beginning of the adoption process. We had orientation and I met the sweetest girl who is also attempting to adopt for the first time. So do you want to hear about how I almost had a heart attack? Of course you do. I looked at the list of dates for training and the first one of three was on May 16th. Yep, May 16th. Which happens to be my college graduation date. The only training dates after those were in November. Yep, November. So I legitimately took a deep breath and asked the instructor if there were any other options. She said, “Well Ms. Solomon, those classes are the CPR courses and although you won’t be certified, it’s mandatory that you be there. You would just have to re-take that course in mid-July to late August” My response, “What if I’m CPR certified until 2017?” “OH GIRL, YOU’RE FINE THEN!” I’m pretty sure I almost had an accident when she said that. I’ve never felt such a rush of relief. We talked about pretty general things. It consisted of paperwork, our personal objective, and the asking of questions that we’d been holding in the entire time. The most amazing thing about it all though, was the fact that there were so many interracial couples. I forget how sweet racial harmony is because it’s clouded by racism and the hate that it entails. I couldn’t stop smiling at them. They could very well think I’m a complete psycho, but I guess we’ll get past that. May 23rd is my first training session and I ask that you guys continue to pray. Last week I started writing letters to my son/daughter and I didn’t fail to mention, by name, the amazing people that prayed for him/her long before we ever locked eyes.
I’m finally doing this, you guys. Two years is a really long time of having to plead and beg and just wait for God to give me clarity. In that waiting though, I’ve grown in more ways than a few. I don’t think I could explain in words how much peace I have in my being. I’m not sure if that made sense. I just finally feel like I’m on the path God has always had for me, not my own, not rebellion, not walking in fear, just sweet obedience and I love Him for granting me it.
I’m Adopting.
Initially, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell anyone about this, but I’m confident that was only fear in my heart. I’ll start from the beginning. For the past two years, I’ve been going back and forth with God about my singleness, unhealthy relationships, and seemingly unbearable desire for children. I vividly remember nights when I just punched walls and screamed at the top of my lungs at Him because I felt as though my desires were a mistake. More specifically, one that He promised He’d never make. That had a lot to do with my lack of trust in Him. Well, eventually, I stopped praying about it. I got to a point where I decided that if I was meant to be a mother, it’d happen in His time, and if not, He’d change the desires of my heart. I was exhausted and faithless. Needless to say, those desire have yet to subside, if anything, they’ve magnified.
About two months ago, I started having this recurring dream of me and an anonymous little boy just living life together. Some days we’d play outside, other nights I was telling him bedtime stories. More recently, we were curled up in a blanket and I was telling him the story of what it was like growing up with two brothers. I had this dream at least 4 times a week and it was all I thought about during the day. I despised God because of it. I considered it a “carrot dangling in front of a mule” and I wanted him to stop. Finally, I confessed it to my accountability group (this is a small group of women, including myself that meets up weekly and discus the burdens of our hearts) and I told them about the anger I had toward God. Chelsie told me that maybe, just maybe, it was God showing me a possibility, not the lack thereof. Well, she said a bit more but that was her main point. I let that sit for a while and really asked God for understanding. My heart was heavy, still is. The kids at my apartment started asking questions that I never thought they would. “Ms. Shakiyla, you don’t want kids?” “Ms. Shakiyla, you ever wish you had a baby” “Ms. Shakiyla, can we have some popsicles to take home?” Ya know, things like that. It hurt, y’all. Everytime they said it, it felt like a blow to the heart. Then today happened.
I’m student teaching, so generally I go to Barbe High at 8am and stay until about 3. I love those kids and they are teaching more about myself as a woman than I ever imagined possible in just a few months. This morning though, I had no desire to be there. I had a ton of homework and my apartment was filthy. I didn’t understand why, but I didn’t fight it. I texted Mrs. Vaughn, my cooperative teacher, and asked her if it’d be okay if I stayed home for the above reasons. She approved, and so I did. I cleaned the house, made lunches for the week, checked he mail for the first time all week, WASHED MY HAIR, and decided that I’d bring popsicles to the kids at the bus stop. Usually, I get home just in time to catch them walking through the parking lot, check their folders, and offer them treats from the candy bowl. Today was different though.
I went to the bus stop super early and just talked with some of the women there. Ms. Kim is her name. Ms. Kim started telling me how much she loved seeing those kids run in and out of my place because she sees my heart and it’s precious. She then started talking about her son. Her joy. Her gift from God. In the midst, she mentioned adoption. I asked her if he was, and her face lit up. She gave me a quick run down of the adoption process and the first thing she said was, “I didn’t have a buncha money and I didn’t have a buncha people to help, I didn’t have a husband, but I did have a powerful God that knew the desires of my heart.” The school bus pulled up. Her son got off and I got chills. As she walked off, she told me her apt number and told me to meet her there so we could talk.
I’ve had that number on my mirror since she moved in because a family friend recommended we met up. I was always too busy, but I think that was just God’s timing. I prayed for Ms. Kim a lot, never knowing what was happening in her life. Well, she was in the middle of a heart wrenching adoption process. We talked for almost 3 hours about her life, her struggles, my fears, and my flaws, and toward the end I couldn’t stop crying. She told me, and I quote, “I think you can’t stop crying because for the first time in years, you believe what it is your Daddy been tellin you.” I’m crying now, as I type it. I went a long time not understanding my heart and why I knew I needed to be there for a child. I currently have a lot of trouble in friendships because I don’t feel like they need me and it makes understanding my role unbelievably difficult. Today, for the first time, I believe God’s promise, and with everything in me, I’m trusting Him.
I write this blog because I need prayer. I need y’all to pray that God continues to mold me. I know I have insecurities, fears, and heart issues that need changing in order to raise up a child. I’m young, I know, but my God makes no mistakes. I need encouragement. I need guidance and support. I need to be pushed in ways I’ve never been pushed. I need God’s intervention along with His peoples’. I want you all to walk this journey with me, the highs and lows. Today I’m e-mailing Ms. Kim’s social worker and I’m already getting things going. I’m scared out of my mind and I don’t want to be. I want to be joyful and trusting in God’s provision. I know I have a long way to go, and I finally have faith enough to start. I’m not sure how long it’ll take, but I’m confident He’s din the midst. I will be keeping you updated and I hope that my family is supportive and encouraging in my obedience.
Where Did the Auction Come From…?
Lately I’ve been asked where the ‘Abraham’s Tent Love Auction’ came from, and I guess I don’t really tell the “backstory” that often… Well, here’s a condensed version:
3 years ago Justin and Emily Martindale had this calling from God to have a fundraiser that would be beneficial to Abraham’s Tent. But different from most other fundraisers in the community, they wanted the main focus to be ‘The Arts’. Life did what it does, and Arty, their absolutely precious son, decided he wasn’t waiting much longer to come smiling into this world. The Martindale’s then asked myself and DeMyron if we would like to take the ideas to Abraham’s Tent and get the voices of the people. So, what we did was take clipboards with us to the Tent and after we played with the children and visited with the people we’d had relationships with, we asked them this, “What does love look like to you?” We took each of their quotes, gave them to local artists and the artists created a piece that was inspired by the quotes we’d gotten. For our VERY first auction, in 2013, we only interviewed children and I must say that it was the most amazing experience of my life. The picture that you’ll see on this post is one of the children that were interviewed; Markia Hicks. Markia is currently an Honor Roll student and is blooming into one of the most unique and loving people I know. She also gives the most marvelous hugs…
Well, we raised over $4,000 and that money went to whatever it was Ms. Pearl needed for the organization. For obvious reasons, we decided to do it again. Except in 2014 the theme was community. Instead of only interviewing children, we made it our obligation to interview people from as many different races, socioeconomic backgrounds, and age groups as possible. The question was, “When you think of a loving community, what does it look like?” We followed the same basic order of events and raised nearly $3,000. That year we auctioned off art, electronics, raffled gift baskets, and had poetry and musical performances. It was so sweet, you guys. We made a significantly smaller amount of money but I have no doubt that God was glorified in the fellowship that spewed out of that building.
In short, the reason this event is so close to my heart is because it started with a push from God to do something that would bring Him glory. There have been a few changes and shifts in ideas but the MAIN purpose still stands, to make God’s name glorified by way of coming together as one and serving one another. This year the theme of the auction is change. Without saying too much, I’m super excited about what’s cookin’.
I hope this small blog gives you a pretty good understanding of what this event stands for and if you’re in the Lake Charles area, I hope even more to see you there.
“Lest You Be Hardened”
Hebrews 3:13
Your thoughts, your words, your ways
Are high,
So far above my place
That I
Sometimes perceive your broad
Daylight—
Your brilliant blue, your sun—
As night.
You love me with some shock,
A threat.
Am I then in the dock,
In debt?
You answer, “No, you’re blest.
It’s my
Alert, my kindness, lest
You die.”
I see. Then, Lord, invoke
Your Dove.
Cause me to feel this stroke
As love.
Come, teach my heart in this
To rest,
To savor and to kiss
This “lest.”
-John Piper
Today’s Milestones 7/15/2014.
I’ll make this quick. I really just want to share what I would consider note worthy in this whole lifestyle change of mine.
1. I sang “Saving All My Love” by Whitney Houston without cracking, not once. That has nothing to do with the healthy eating, weight training, non-smoking (y’all probably didn’t know that I ever smoked huh? 1 year clean this month!),thing I’ve been avidly pursuing but I find it to be a milestone. I mean, come on. That song has notes and key changes that only Whitney herself could sing with ease. I’d like to thank my moms.
2.I can’t fit any of my XL leggings. Now this was only a milestone because IT’S LEGGINGS! They literally squeeze everything. I had a pair fit a little bigger than usual last week, today these basically fell off of my waist. Bye, XL.
3. Cut 2mins off of my mile. Now THIS had me extra hype! I like running. I mean, It’s therapeutic. I sing, pray, think, and sometimes start blogs but today was solely running. I can’t even remember what I thought about, that can either be good or bad. I’ll take good. So will you.
4. T-shirt drive. We’re having one. That may not be a milestone to people who know me because you know how often I love doing this sort of thing. This year has been really confusing with Abraham’s Tent (that’s my adopted soup kitchen, lol), so having this is like a big hug from God. I don’t know. This one is a little complicated. A milestone nonetheless.
You could be really annoyed. You could be really proud of me. Either way, I think today ended up being pretty productive. My life has completely shifted from what I’ve always known to what I’ve always hated (that’s a blog in the making). So having a day that felt remotely encouraging, was nice. It was really nice. I’m going to go and read Hebrews now because I can’t get that book out of my head. I love you guys. This blog felt more like a letter. I like writing letters. Hmmm…
Strawberry Schmear.
Good morning you guys! Okay, so I generally don’t blog about food or anything pertaining to food, mainly because I don’t think you care what I eat but this recipe made my morning. Beside the fact that it’s my first off day in forever, I woke up at 7am……..7……AM……. Instead of going into a Hulk-like rage, I played with my unbearable transitioning hair and tried side-dish recipes.
Strawberry shmear is what I’ll call it. So, since I’ve been losing weight I’ve really tried to kick my bad eating habits in the face but I have 3 vices: 1. Pizza 2. Ice cream 3. Bagels , they’re literally my favorites in life but instead of completely doing away with them, I’ve been experimenting healthy ways to indulge. I’m rambling. Sorry. Okay, to the point. I had a whole wheat-cinnamon bagel for breakfast and instead of butter, cream cheese, or even honey, I did the following:
Blend together (I used a bullet)
-3 medium sized strawberries
-2 tsp of honey
-1 tsp of brown sugar
-1 tbs of skim or low-fat milk
SIMPLE RIGHT?!
Let it get pretty smooth, you want it to at least be thick enough to smear. This should be enough for one whole bagel, because I only ate half of mine, I just placed the rest in the fridge and plan to use it tomorrow for breakfast. Now, any health guru would probably tell you to steer away from bagels but like I said, I love them, so I’d rather work it until I feel like I’m strong enough to say good-bye. Oh bagels.
Hope you liked it. This blog is a lot different from my usual ones but food is good so I like to talk about it sometimes.
Organized Chaos. 