It seems like it has been FOREVER since I’ve updated you guys, but I have been extremely busy. Firstly, I graduated last weekend. I’m still a bit in awe about the fact that I’m no longer an undergrad, and I am finally a 12th grade teacher. I got the job at a local high school, and I get giddy just thinking about it.
None of that has anything to do with the adoption, but it plays a major role in who I am and who I plan on being as a mother. Driven. Dedicated. Goal oriented. Sticky. Those are just a few.
Anyhow, today was my second week of training, and I was bombarded with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. I don’t realize how few people I talk to about the adoption until things happen like this. I immediately texted Lydia and asked her to pray for me. She asked why, and I told her how I was feeling. She asked why again and I confessed that it was because I was now the ONLY single-parent candidate and the youngest of a group of over 15. She reminded me that the only thing that makes me fit to be a parent is my devotion to God and His will. It humbled me and encouraged me all at once. My ability to be a mother is irrelevant if I’m not trusting my Father with all that entails. I am by no means saying that anyone is a bad parent, only that this is what I believe to be true, and I needed that reminder. Please remember I am madly in love with God and all that He is and Jesus for all that He’s done. This blog may not be for everyone for that very reason, and I’m prepared to face that. So I went into the bathroom, leaned on the wall, and talked to my daddy. It was the sweetest moment of the day. I like bathroom talk.
Well, the class went on and everyone was really engaged. We did an exercise that was designed to put us in the shoes of the children that we’d be fostering to adopt, and it was a rude awakening for a lot of us. I’m not naive in thinking that the moment a child steps foot into my home they’ll run into my arms and call me mommy, but I forget that these children, in particular have been passed from home to home for years, so their guards are up. I’ve never really had to work hard to show someone that I love them, but I imagine I will have to. I need prayer in this. Prayer that when he/she doesn’t want my hugs or comfort I remember that they may not be denying me, they may be denying the rejection they’ve felt so many times before. Please pray for me, guys.
That was the bulk of training. I mean, other things happened, but nothing I imagine you guys care about. If you do, contact me because I LOVE talking about it!
In other news, my roommate is moving out. I’m not sure what my living condition will be, but God has been showing me some things and they are giving me a sweet sense of peace. I had someone give me furniture just as I started freaking out about not having any for my home study. A home study is exactly what it sounds like. My social worker will come to my home and make sure it is fit for a child. How awful would it have been if she came next week like she says she will, and I didn’t have any furniture or a room for my prospect munchkin? Just a little off, right? Well, there was provision, and again I was humbled. I AM BEING HUMBLED A LOT. I didn’t realize how much I thought I had to do on my own until God made that impossible. If y’all have any furniture or kids’ room stuff you’d like to donate to me, please don’t hesitate. More than that though, keep praying. You have no idea what it means to me to know that you are interceding for me. The encouragement is something I never imagined would give me the peace it does. Again, I’m a prideful lil somethin. People haven’t just been saying congrats. They’ve been making suggestions and reminding me that I can’t do this alone.
I know this blog wasn’t AS detailed as the others, but I’m sure I’ll have weeks like this. I was serious about home-gear. I love a good garage sale so I’m up for some early Saturday mornings. Thanks again for all that you guys have done, and thanks for reading this wordy little blog of mine.