Today marks ten days. It was a bit surreal once I realized that I’m less than two weeks away from calling Nigeria home. It feels like it was only a few days ago when I made the announcement. I’d gotten so used to saying “I think I’ll head out at the end of the year.” Then that turned into “I think it’ll be closer to November.” Now, I sit at my computer, with confidence that in 10 short days, I will board a plane, another plane, and drive right into the sweetest gift from God.
This will not be a super long blog about how sad I am,because quite honestly, I’m excited. I’m excited about being obedient. I’m excited about tapping into the culture I’ve obsessed over for so long. I’m excited, and sometimes I feel like I can’t say that. I compromise self-expression for the sake of protecting the people I love. I know how most loved ones handle things like this, and I sit in my excitement alone.Fortunately, I’ve realized (and have been advised) to stop that. When God calls us to change our lives, for Him, we can’t compromise our joyful obedience for the sake of trying to play God. How is that “playing God”? My desire to manage how everybody handles this move is just another way Shakiyla is trying to control EVERYTHING around her. It’s not for me to control. It’s not for me to manage. It is for me to bring to God. I finally trust His ability to change their hearts from a spirit of neglect, fear, and sadness to one of hope, trust,and celebration. Of course we must feel. We must process the things life throws at us HOWEVER we need to, but we mustn’t forget that we serve a sovereign and powerful Father. He is more than I ever could be for any of my family, friends,or students. I finally believe that.
It’s tempting to wallow in the reality that I’m leaving everything I’ve always known. Two years doesn’t sound like a long time, but two PLUS years has a different ring to it. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone, but I’m confident that I will never know love like my family’s and I’m forever grateful. It stings when I think about it for too long. I talked to my sister this week and she said, “We don’t think about the possibility of not being able to just invite each other over whenever” and now, that’s all we think about. It’s tough, but they are the most supportive and uplifting, it’s surreal. Anytime Elijah or Jamaal texts me, I get all giddy, and this is nothing new. They’ve always been the greatest examples of loyalty and life. I love my babies, y’all. I’m not even going to mention my Mama (lies) she is, has always, and will always be the driving force behind my love for service, people, God, and myself. I jokingly call her perfect. I’m aware of her imperfections, but the way she surrenders them to God screams perfection in my eyes and nobody can tell me differently.
I can’t wait to share this journey with you. Like most things, there will likely be hard days, but I’m learning that I didn’t commit to a life I surface level happiness, but one of soul quenching-joy, and I crave it. If you are not following me on Instagram, I recommend doing so. I will likely have more updates there, and DEFINITELY go to the sight and sign-up to receive my monthly newsletter.
I will send one soon after my arrival. I usually have a “main idea” for each of my posts, I guess this one is to remember who you are in light of who God is.
Thank you for reading.
I love you.
Today makes a week without my baby. I love talking about the good things that come with moving to Nigeria, but the tough stuff seems to lay low. I’m having to break ties that I thought I could manage. In this case, though, I was fully aware that I Aries wasn’t coming to Africa. I knew when I got accepted into the program that I would have to find a home for my best friend. He’s grown to be such a loving and compassionate dog. I know it may seem silly to some, but when I first got diagnosed, he was my personification of peace and rest. If you’ve read my blog about him, you get an image of the way he emotionally, spiritually, and physically took care of me before my surgery. There were nights he sat still enough to help me get up off the floor if I’d passed out from blood loss. There were days when he became my pillow by the toilet because I couldn’t keep anything down, but my body wanted to sleep. There were evenings when I just couldn’t move, and shouldn’t have tried, so he didn’t let me. He’s was my protector. He’s the most energetic and hyper ball of ridiculousness, but when I needed him to be my rock, he was.
Sleeping without him is gonna take some getting used to. I promised authenticity throughout this journey, so that means not every post will be a beaming ray of sunshine. That means that I may have days where obedience to God hurts. I’m finally starting to understand what it means in Matthew 10:39
“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
I could easily go over and visit him, but he is now able to serve elsewhere (just like mommy). I have to start detaching eventually, right? He’s become that same source of serenity for a young woman who needs him. I’m thankful that it has all happened that way, and I don’t count it a coincidence. I won’t type a crazy long blog about how hard it is learning life without Tut, but I will say that I’m thankful to have had such a sweet friend in him. I think this is the beginning of an extremely hard transitioning phase. I’m ready. This isn’t the most profound piece I’ve ever written. I don’t have any special nuggets of knowledge to share. I didn’t have a revelation of any sort. I simply miss my dog. I think missing people, and pets alike, is okay. It shows us that we’re still human. It shows us that the ways of the world don’t have us so emotionally calloused that we can no longer feel. I can experience a loss of any kind and mourn it freely. I’m thankful for that. I know so many people who are breaking down unthinkable walls, including myself, so it’s encouraging to be reminded that every brick …
no matter how small …
is being removed.
Thank you for reading.
I love you.
6 minutes and 51 seconds. That’s how long it will take you to read this, I ask that you take that time to hear what God commanded me to share.
I’ve started selling things, I’ve quit my job, and it is confirmed that my next destination is Nigeria. These past few months have felt like an absolute blur; an exciting and exhilarating blur, a blur nonetheless. I’m thankful for those of you who have patiently (or impatiently) waited for me to sit down at this computer and SHARE. I didn’t want this blog to be completely focused on my African progress, because its purpose is personal growth through Christ, so I’ll share that and more. Over the years, I’ve seen the sense community on my website grow deeper, and when I move, I’d love for you to move with me. Some of you may already know, via Facebook, but the position I’ve been offered is the Primary School Principal and Assistant Dean of the teacher college. My desire is to go long term, so I need long term partners. I’ve found that when I say “partner” the first thing that comes to mind is money. Yes, money is a part of it, but more than anything, I crave relationships with the people on my TEAM. So far, I have 3 former students committed to $5-$10 a month, and it makes such a big difference on paper and in my heart. I want to be able to share in joyous and not so joyous moments when I’m gone. I’d love a family to return to on furloughs. When God orchestrated this, it was never an image of me collecting cash and dippin’ the country. It was Him using me and my community to push the Gospel forward in service and love. The past 8 years of my life have been devoted to Southwest Louisiana and the lives of the children and families I was entrusted with. Now, God has created an avenue for me to expand beyond Lake Charles, and I’d love your support. If you’d like to partner, please contact me firstname.lastname@example.org Here are the websites if you feel led to join!
https://donations.rafikifoundation.org/Step1.aspx?varid=241&amt=25 This is the online registration. It asks for “Introductory Information” simply so I can know who you are and send thank you letters out.
https://www.paypal.me/shakiylas This is the Pay Pal account. Some people have asked how I’m doing right now financially, having begun the transition. Some days, I eat Ramen Noodles and thank God. Other days, people unknowingly send me groceries. If you’re interested in helping me as I transition OUT of the states, here’s a good place to start.
This is an image of where I am in monthly donations, verses where I need to be in order to go.
Now, for the lessons. That’s my cute way of saying, God went upside my head because I didn’t listen. Y’all. WHY DON’T WE LISTEN? I was offered a position at a local Middle School, and when I tell you I was R E A D Y to return to a classroom, I was READY. I prayed about it and felt uneasy. I talked to a few friends and they felt uneasy. The uneasiness wasn’t because I was anxious about teaching, it was because I knew the devotion necessary for a long-term sub position. I know the way God calls me to love students, all students, and I knew that with this quest to Africa, I wouldn’t have the time or resources to be effective. Well, I decided I wouldn’t. I told Mrs. B “God said don’t become a mediocre teacher just because you don’t trust my financial and emotional provision.” In a podcast I was recently on, Tim Talks, Justin reminded me of the man going BACK to bury his dead father after Jesus told Him to move on and follow Him (Matthew 8:22) Not that the students are “the dead” but I’d finished my work in CPSB, and I was supposed to be focusing my heart and devotion on Africa. I was sure that “NO” was the answer. I walked into the Principal’s office. I told her why I couldn’t take the job. I started the next day. Stupid, right? I know. It was like, my flesh wanted to serve as many children as possible while I’m still in Lake Charles, but my Spirit had confirmed that my work here is done. I went home after day one in tears. I walked Aries, and fell asleep on the floor. I woke up at 3am and realized that I’d set up a meeting with a possible partner at 5pm that evening and slept/cried straight through it. You’d think I’d learned my lesson huh? Nah. I went back the next day and when I tell you God got me TOGETHER. Here’s what I learned:
Yes. We are vessels of His truth and love. Yes. He uses us. NO. He does not need us. I’ve had so many people tell me how much CPSB “needs” me, and it makes me pretty uncomfortable. It should, though. If in your service you’re busy throwing “I”, “Me”, and “My” around, I beg you to be cautious.
Dear servants of the Lord “HE DOES NOT NEED YOU!” He chooses to use you, so when He tells you to move, MOVE. I’ve had so many conversations with people making me feel guilty for my obedience to GOD. As crazy as it seems, most of them are believers, so it just reminded me that we are all broken vessels, being refurbished everyday.
Do not, I repeat, do not let the guilt of man drive you to disobedience to your Father.
We are often called to do things that this world can’t quite understand. God may tell you something clear as day, but because your family and friends can’t quite wrap their minds around it, you put it off. You postpone it. You ignore it all together. Stop that. Stop moving with the ways of this broken world and bask in the fact that the God of the universe is giving you direction. He is worthy to be trusted and entrusted with your life. I’ve been stuck on
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; holdfast to what is good. Romans 12:9
It may seem like a stretch, but I’ve decided that anything outside of God’s goodness is evil, and refuse to let it dictate my hope in His will for my life. Every day when I wake up, I want to be purpose driven. My service here is changing, but it will never cease. I’ve just decided that I will be hosting one last “good-bye” fundraiser and as silly as it may seem, if you are reading this, I want you to join me. Some of you live in other states, some other countries, so I’m more than willing to video cast you in. This fundraiser will be community-focused and produced. I will auction off items donated from LOCALLY owned businesses and have LOCAL talent remind us of the beauty that comes out of Louisiana. If you or anyone you know is interested, please email me. I want this to be authentic more than I want it to be “big.” I will give more information on my next post, but in the meantime, and in your life, be consistent. Love so intensely that people don’t know what to do with you. Serve when it hurts. Be influential.
Thank you for reading.
I love you.
The informational is less than one week away, and I’m so excited about meeting with future partners. If you have any questions, PLEASE don’t hesitate to ask. I will be sharing even more information once I return from training on July 24th.
If you are not a local follower of mine, but would like to get involved, CONTACT ME. Every bit helps and makes a huge difference. Thank you all for being such sweet lights of encouragement during this process.
I’ve decided to refrain from posting Africa updates on Facebook. Most of my posts go directly to my Facebook page anyhow, and I won’t have as much access or TIME once I’ve gone. It’s been weird. Some people are super interested and want me to keep them updated, but today someone asked “why you keep talkin about it?” Initially I sat there. If you know me, you know that’s impressive. Then eventually I responded with, “because I’m supposed to” and left it alone. I completely understand that there are people who could not care less about this part of my life, but I’m also aware of the young men and women watching me. They’ve watched me since I stepped foot in their classrooms, and these stories are for them. These post are for the hopeless. This blog is designed to be an encouragement for anyone in need, for anyone feeling trapped by their circumstance, for anyone settling. I know where I came from, and I refuse to shut up about where I’m going.
Anyhowwwww, I had my last doctor’s appointment today and he was really excited to clear me. I’m free to start working out and jogging again. Aries is in for an early morning. My body and incision are healing beautifully from the surgery. I can wear my heels again, y’all. I have a few more months with my clothes before they’re sold, so I’m cuttin’ up!
I also got 3 of the 7 shots I need before I officially head out. It may seem silly, but I felt one tiny bit closer to where I’m supposed to be. The Walgreens pharmacy technicians were awesome. They cracked me up the entire time. My Pharmacist was a hoot, too. He said,
“Look at me! I’m the doctor giving you your shots to go live your dream!!!”
and cracked up laughing. Every person I’ve met in the past year has made a lifelong impression on my heart. I’ll never forget Dr. Peter and that goofy laugh of his. We took a selfie.
I haven’t had any pain, and I’m feeling more and more prepared for training next month. July is creeping up and I’m finally ready. Our last day is July 25. It’s at that time that I will know where I’m going. I’ve had a ton of people ask about WHEN I’m leaving. There are a few things to consider here:
1.I’m going alone.
2. I’m working at a non-profit orphanage/school.
3. I make a teacher’s income, which conveniently stops this month.
So, until my partners and I raise funds, I’ll be right here with y’all. In the beginning I was super anxious about raising. People get uncomfortable when money is involved, and I’m a prideful lil somethin’. A friend of mine reminded me that I’m not asking people to give ME money. It’s not about me. That money is God’s. It goes to His service and to withholding His commandment.
“Shock, you can’t decide whether or not they want to walk in this truth with you. It calls for obedience that you can’t control and hope in what isn’t always clear”
…she said. Ever since then, I’m hopeful that He will use who He pleases whether or not I persuade them.
I’m thankful for this journey. I hope this post helps those of you trying to stay up on my progress. I appreciate every reader. Thank you.I love you.
I haven’t posted a recipe in a while, so I figured I should share my most recent one. Y’all, it was so much better than I anticipated. I’ve been trying to find recipes for my favorite “cheat” meals so I can make them myself rather than eating out. I’m still transitioning into what I’ll have to expect in Africa, but man, I love me some pizza. It can be pretty cheap, but saving $10 is helping me manage my money as I raise funding and prepare to leave!
So this recipe was given to me by my friend, Patti. She has always blown my mind with her love for cooking and the talent that goes along with it. I changed some things in the recipe, so I’ll post mine and if you’re interested in the original, leave a comment!
1 Package (10 ounces) refrigerated pizza crust
1/2 lb ground turkey (SEASONED)
2 Cups (8 ounces) shredded mozzarella cheese broken up
1/4 Cup Parmesan cheese
4 FRESH basil leaves or 2 teaspoons of dried basil leaves (but honestly, fresh is the way to go)
2/3 cups of Plain Greek Yogurt (I added a little more, I like the consistency that way)
1 garlic clove pressed (I used 1 tablespoon of minced garlic, because I was too lazy to chop the clove)
4 thinly sliced roma tomatoes
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Using lightly floured dough and a pizza roller, roll the crust on a 12×15″ rectangular baking pan. I based the pan with a bit of olive olive before, you don’t have to. Sprinkle the crust with 1 cup of Mozzarella cheese. Snip your basil into the size that you prefer. I left mine a little thick, because I really wanted the basil flavor to stand out on each slice.
In a 1 Qt. bowl combine the remaining mozzarella, Parmesan cheese, basil, and the yogurt. Mix well. Add the garlic and blend it in.
Here’s where I took the recipe and did what I wanted, lol. I took about 1/2 lb of ground turkey, seasoned it, and cooked it down until it was almost crispy. I put that to the side to somewhat cool down before adding it to the pizza.
Cut the tomatoes into super thin slices and place them all over. Take the topping mix that’s in your bowl and using a small ice cream scoop, or in my case, a SPOON, dollop it onto the pizza and spread it evenly across its entirety. Sprinkle the turkey all over, and pop that sucker in the over for 15-20 mins or until golden brown. Cut and Serve.
Yield: 20 servings or 10, depending on how many Shakiylas you have joining you. Seriously, I could’ve eaten the whole thing…
The recipe said it was approximately 130 calories and 9 grams of fat per slice, BUT, my recipe replaced mayonnaise with yogurt, and regular mozzarella with low fat. I also added ground turkey. I’m not sure of the differences those make, but I felt better about eating it that way. Y’all know my rule in cooking is make it work for YOU. Recipes are fun, but they don’t always have to remain as it. Play around!
Please please please let me know if you try it. Post pictures and leave comments. It’s the summer, and before I head out to training, I’m taking some time to bask in silence. Cooking does that. It gives me a space to think and reflect, maybe that’s cheesy, but I needed it today.
Thank you for reading.
As always, I love you.
This is my first time posting on the website since I made the decision to have a complete abdominal hysterectomy. I felt myself walk away from writing. I felt myself walk away from opening my heart to the world (or at least the small section of you who follow me) and I was confident that this was okay. Not anymore. In creating this blog, I vowed to share the authentic pieces of life that most people cower away from. I promised my readers that no matter the circumstance, I was their open book. My sole purpose is to reach at least one person who is encouraged enough by my story to either share their own or break free from bondage. This blog was supposed to be a source of service, and service does not stop when it gets hard, so neither will I.
I had the surgery on May 9, 2018. It wasn’t until 9 days later, at exactly 3:19pm that I pressed my head up against my mama and wept. I wasn’t naïve enough to think that I would be okay immediately after, but the crying was so raw, so intense, so painful, that all I could do was sleep after. She held me. I’ve never been held like that before, and I’m thankful that even in the depths of my brokenness, her love prevailed.
Fair warning: this may be a long post, but as these tears rub against my cheeks, I’m confident it’s supposed to be shared in all its fullness.
I won’t talk about the sleepless nights, the desire to walk on days I couldn’t, or even the physical pain that came with surgery. I’d like to talk more about the mental battle I’ve been fighting; the battle for my joy. There were a few words I wrote over and over again in my journal. I went back and highlighted them so I could visualize their continuity in my heart. These words have led to more personal growth than ever, and I’m excited to share. The pictures in this post are a product of a photoshoot that was supposed to exemplify the beauty in my growing pains. There is beauty in my process, and although many people may not sit and wait for it to bloom, I know it’s coming. I thank God for sending Emily , her camera, and her love for service in truth my way.
LIFE+ POWER + WOMANHOOD
Life: This one has been fairly new in my journal, and conversation with friends. I’ve written life 78 times since the morning of my procedure. Many of those times, it was paired with the word “Create.” I felt like I’d completely relinquished my ability to create life. I felt broken, but more than that, I felt like I’d broken myself. Maybe I should have taken better care. Maybe I should have had kids sooner. Maybe I should have done things differently, and I would be able to do one of the most beautiful things this dark world has to offer; create new life. I gravitate toward nature. Flowers, trees, animals, generally anything that goes through a process most people won’t sit and watch– in order to become what it is intended to be. I found life in myself. I saw growth that I’d started to ignore because I was losing a part of me that I’d cherished for so long. I learned that I have the ability to breathe life. My words have power, and in using them to glorify God and serve His people, I can rest in the fact that losing the ability to give birth naturally is a loss, but a gain one in the same.
Power: Since May 9th, I’ve written the word power in my journal a total of 157 times. Power is simply defined as one’s ability to do something. It almost seems silly to say it, and quite honestly, when I mentioned having struggled with power very few people understood. I’d felt like I lost power over my life. Not only was I unable to decide whether or not to have children, I was at a place physically where my body didn’t allow me to do anything. There were days I couldn’t stand up, walk, bathe, bend, stretch, and I never realized how the ownership over my physical self was being stripped away. It hurt. I felt useless, and more than that, powerless. It took weeks for me to finally sit down, anger in my heart and fear in my eyes, and admit that this power was never mine. Time and time again I tried to justify my brokenness with half-hearted encouragements. I needed to fully rely on God, and so I did. The power of His love has slowly been restored in me. I’ve never felt more empowered and driven to bask in the fact that even I am precious. I am fierce. I cannot be duplicated, and there is no woman like me. He created me uniquely beautiful from the inside out, and I love it.
Womanhood: Since April 9th, I’ve written the word womanhood in my journal 198 times. Clearly, it’s been heavy on my mind. Dear people in this life, when a woman is faced with barrenness, please, I beg of you, do not say “Well there’s always adoption…”
In addition, I felt like because I’m unmarried, and childless, my worth in society somewhat plummeted. Hi, I’m Shakiyla Solomon, an educated Black woman and whether or not you want to admit it, that means nearly nothing in American society today. Few people will get excited or even encourage women in their careers, traveling, personal growth, or entrepreneurship because those things don’t make a “woman.” GRANTED, these are not absolutes, and I’m thankful that there are some exceptions, but for the most part, marriage and children define womanhood. I love my life. I love the direction it is going and I’m thankful that I’m finally at a point where the world’s desires for me don’t align with mine and that’s okay. I didn’t realize how much society had molded my own thinking, and in this silence, I found freedom. Does that mean I won’t adopt? Absolutely not. Does that mean I’m shunning all men? Not at all. What I am doing though, is living life at the pace its moving and learning to embrace it. I’m growing.
These three words continue to penetrate my mind and heart, and as I sift through my personal healing, I’m learning that there is peace on the other side. I will soon be in Africa, and there I will have the ability to love, serve, and lead children and young adults in the ways of love and life. I have been granted the opportunity to serve in a capacity I never thought possible. I’m thankful for these lessons, and more than anything, I’m thankful for the evident growth that has come along with them. Find your truths. Find the things that are hiding behind the lies that have slowly drowned you. Cover them. If you feel like you can’t find them. If you feel like you are an exception and that there is no peace awaiting you, message me and we can work on finding and/or creating one together.
Thank you for reading.
I love you.