An Epiphany…

I don’t have very many people who stick around. I don’t mean people who know OF me, I mean people who know my heart and all of its hurt. People who know my mind and why it works the way it does. People who help me be a better me for the sake of my students and service to my community. I’m thankful for those people. They’re the ones who read what I’ve written because they know how insecure I am about my art & will give honest feedback. They’re the ones who make me feel like a friend when I’m troubled, not a burden. Those people are treasures, and I couldn’t imagine life without them. If you’ve ever tried getting close to me, you know that I preface the relationship with “I’m too much to handle” and I don’t say that because I’m dramatic, I say it because I’m broken. I get irrationally angry. I take many things personally. I isolate myself. I struggle with forgiveness. I’m very self-aware, but not enough sometimes. I’m sensitive AND stone cold. I’m humble in love but prideful in progression. I’m a walking oxymoron, so if I’ve submitted my heart’s truth to you it’s because I trust that God has placed you in my life. It takes so much for me to admit that I NEED companionship, and God is continuing to humble me. Today I had a friend tell me that I do too much sometimes and it’s pushing him away, but 3yrs ago I wasn’t doing ANYTHING. I didn’t know what it meant to express myself, let alone with confidence. I was locked up and full of emotion and anger. I was a ticking time bomb, so being able to honestly share my feelings and boldly ask for reciprocity is a milestone for me as a woman. I guess I’ve yet to find a perfect balance, but I’m not sure it exists. I’ve finally stopped blaming my circumstances for my lacking as a person, and that means that I’m left with no excuse. My desire is growth and freedom in self-love. I’m to the point where I can honestly say I don’t want to pursue that alone. I know that there will be people who walk out of my life, but I guess all I’m trying to say is that I’m thankful for the ones who see me, despite my imperfections, as worth the fight. 

*Photo by Debra Cartwright*

One Comment on “An Epiphany…

  1. Hey Ms.Soloman I hope this isn’t wrong of me to do by commenting. So I remember you told me that you have a blog but I forgot the website and today I accidently stumbled across it. I guess that’s just how god work you know. So I found myself reading all of this detailed information about your life. I must say that the way you wrote this is a beautiful piece of art about your life. I found myself crying uncontrollably because of the honesty and beauty of it all. I feel as if you really put your heart on it and let lose of all your emotions. In the last two years of having the honor to have you as a teacher, really brought happiness in my life that I never thought could come happen for me if it wasn’t from some boy…you were in all honesty the mother figure in my life that I always wanted my whole life. A mother that was there for me and listened to all the silly emotional problems I had. I really love the fact that God has brought you in my life. I didn’t know that a love like the one that you have put out existed for me. I can honestly say Thank God for bringing you in my life. You are truly an amazing person with soo much love to give. So Thank you Ms. Soloman for everything but mostly for being there. Wow I’m so emotional cried the whole time writing this lol.

    Harria’ Washington

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