I don’t usually talk about my findings in scripture in and of themselves. They are more commonly the foundation of an idea or life event and those things become the topic of discussion through the lens of God’s word. Here though, I want to share how God’s truth kept me from drowning.
For the past couple weeks I’ve been experiencing this ongoing fight with Satan. In short, he has been telling me that I’m “too much.” I acknowledge that Satan is the enemy. I do not wrestle against flesh and blood, so the powers that be are to blame, not any person/people used as a vessel (Ephesians 6:12). Initially, it was pretty vague, but as time went on, the indistinctiveness (not sure if that’s a real word) became clear and constant.
You are too emotional
You are too talkative
You are too serious
You are too opinionated
You are too complicated
You are too eager
You are too loud
You are too common
You are too curious
You are too inquisitive
You are too analytical
You. Are. Too. Much.
As the days and weeks went on, I started to believe him. If you listen to something long enough, it becomes a part of you. I think this is one of many reasons why Solomon implores us to guard/keep our hearts. If not, the truth gets drowned in the bellow of lies and you go under along with it.
You lose your breath. You lose your capacity to survive. You lose yourself in the belittlement of all that you thought made you special. You feel yourself drowning. You feel the weight of the water pushing you down, no matter how hard you try to swim. You grapple for air and as soon as your mouth opens, it’s shut with the berating power of hurt-filled insults. Despite the pressure of it all, you open your mouth again to scream for help and taste those attacks on your tongue. They fill your cheeks… then your throat…then your chest… and right before they reach your lungs and you drown in the weight of Satan’s trickery; God’s truth draws you to the surface.
A good friend, unknowingly said exactly what the Lord wanted me to hear, “Shakiyla, you are not too much…” As the tears began to flow, I found myself finally resting in the arms of His grace. I’ve come to terms with the fact that we live in a world where most people are either incapable or uninterested in learning the intricacies of our existence. Thankfully, God already knows and for eternity, He will welcome us into His presence. Nothing is too much for the Father. Your baggage is not baggage to Him. Your personality is not merely tolerated by Him. He loves you. All of You. He will mold you daily to look more like His son and in that transforming love, you will find rest.
He is everything we need and more. Stop searching for the validation, affirmation, and acceptance from people in this life. Your closest friend cannot be your Jesus. Your parents cannot be your Jesus. Your family cannot be your Jesus. Your children cannot be your Jesus. Your spouse cannot be your Jesus. YOU cannot be your Jesus. They cannot save you and thankfully, they are supposed to. We not only need a Lord, we need a Savior. Saving is transactional (don’t think that’s a word either). He calls us in and we should respond in love by relinquishing all. I was holding on to my identity and today, as I finished this blog, I gave it to Him. What are you holding on to? What can I pray you would pour like sweet perfume at the feet of the Father? I’m here, but more importantly, He is.
Thank you for reading. I hope it encouraged.
I love you.
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